Hey Big Bully

Hey Big Bully

Spoken word for The Horror of The Avant Garde

ALPHA60 Chapter House



THE HORROR OF THE AVANT-GARDE(S) concerto for piano, percussion, and large ensemble(world premiere)

Composed by Joseph Franklin

Conducted by Elliott Gyger

Art direction by Tina Stefanou

[This text was originally devised for a delegated spoken word in proximity with a teenage choir.]

Hey big bully, damn right keep looking at me, lock in your stare because I have something to tell you: you are in trouble clown face, I am in a choir now. Heck yeah, you thought I was a loser but now I control your world with the power of my voice. Don’t run crying toyour punk goth mummy who listens to Nine Inch Nails and Avril Lavigne, that’s for Icropachycephalosaurus from the Late Cretaceous age—I listen to Rosalia while I put my fist on your face. Pow! Pow! Feel the existential pain running all the way down from your  bum to your toe. It doesn’t smell good does it? Well, get used to it because I’m going to knock you down with my breath support.

Feel this ridiculously long fry scream put you down to your knees: ahhhhhh!

Gorilla hair, elephant anxiety, and demonic Year 12, you are so annoying! I want to wipe you from the face of the earth with my Spotify playlist. My parents think I signed up to sing cool stuff in the context of a conservative environment because it will help me gain a prestigious education. But really I just want to blow your behind to separate your skin from your meat, like a traditional Chinese cook preparing a mean Pekin Duck. Nom nom nom. Yummy yum yum.Guess what? We are not ordering to share and screw university! I just want to hangout with my shaggy friends who are in bands because noneof them know how to actually sing. I have been rehearsing for hours to nail this note, so I’m rightfully snobby about it. You think playing at Revolver and The Tote for a bunch of radical queers makes you cool? I’m in a choir, this is what anarchy really looks like.

Your TikTok and BeReal stinks by the way. We look at them during rehearsal breaks and sometimes we feel like vomiting on your shoes. Well, more like all the time. God, you are so basic and we just want to scream until your ears bleed and you beg for mercy. My mum thinks you are kinda cute but I’m like, they are a bully mum! And my mum is like, maybe they just want to be your friend. And I’m like, gosh, I hate my life. She doesn’t let me swear but really I’m just thinking swear words. I’m so pumped with hormones that I just want to join a youth movement and abolish capitalism. Yeah, I’m a socialist now who drinks a flat white with oat milk because I’m lactose intolerant. But I’m very defensive about it.

You think your fancy apartment is hot but really is just high density living. It is gentrifying the neighbourhood and it’s really annoying. Damn right, everyone hates you. We all have to leave our house 10mins earlier because of heavy traffic and we all know it isyour fault. We would throw eggs at your window but all developments look the same so we don’t even know which one is your tower. Deal with it.